Merry Christmas

Another year has come and is almost gone. As every year, the past year had its ups and downs, its good and bad, its fun and stress. Time flies and sometimes I wonder were it goes. But such is time and nevertheless time has its plusses for time heals every wound, though the memory remains, vague as it gets with time. But so do the good memories. They keep each other in balance. The Light can not exist without the dark, do we wish it could. But they exist in each others grace. Nonetheless, it is the Season to be jolly, a Season of Life, Love and Peace in which we celebrate the coming of Christ, our Saviour.
So I wish everybody a Very Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year. May all your wishes for the coming year come true and may you know nothing but happiness and prosperity. May you find Peace, Love and Joy in this most Magical Season. May you be blessed with Peace and Safety in all four Seasons and wherever you are. May the Light always shine upon you and keep the dark at bay. And may God keep you in the palm of His hand. Have a merry holiday and a good New Years Eve.

Hugs and Kisses

Winter Solstice

It’s Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. My little brother was born on the 21st of December thus that makes him a lucky person for he has the sun on his side, while she increases her influence. So we celebrated his 20th birthday tonight and though he didn’t get much presents, for it’s almost Christmas, we had a good time, learning to play/playing mah-jong :)
Anyhow, winter has finally begun and I for one can’t wait for it to set in. I want this winter to be a very cold one, so hell freezes over and I can skate on natural ice for a first time in I think nearly a decade. I love to skate, but it has been a very long time since I done it. The few times the ditches did freeze over, I didn’t think it sensible to go skating for it had only been freezing for a few days and the thaw had set in the day people went skating…
But I have hope for this winter. I also hope it will snow with Christmas. I am just a little romantic at heart. So I have hopes for this winter but if I must be realistic, which I normally am, I must admit it doesn’t seem very likely that my hopes will come true. It will probably rain with Christmas and it probably won’t freeze long or hard enough for me to go skating with a good feeling :( Damn global heating. Damn Bush for neglecting international treaties and thus contributing extra to global heating. Damn Bush in general. Ok, I’ll admit, I don’t like Bush all that much. Concerning Bush, I’ll leave it at that for now.
So, I have hopes for this Christmas. It seems that in the future though, I won’t have to hope anymore, for I remember that it has been said that, due to global heating if I remember correct, it’ll get colder in Europe in the future. This means that the winter will be winter again, the ditches will freeze over, I will be a happy camper skating and my romantic heart will rejoice and enjoy Christmas even more with a big mug of hot chocolate. Thank God for global heating… hey, you have to see the positive in the negative ;)
Enjoy winter (solstice) everyone.

American hubris

I still feel a slight bit shitty from last night, so I have decided to trash the Americans once more. It’s not that I don’t like Americans, or they don’t live in a beautiful country. It’s just that they are so easy to trash, for they have a crappy government and actors as chosen governors and presidents, who should just stick with what they are good at; every man to his trade… And I wanted to say this ever since last week when it became known that Stanley ‘Tookie’ Williams had been executed. I do acknowledge that the man is a murderer, and he did belong in jail, but I am against capital punishment. For I think being in jail till the end of your days (that means a natural death) is more effective and revengeful than being in death row; put the criminal away with no access to any luxury or the prospect of keeping contact with any family till the day he dies a natural death. The prospect of death row just doesn’t decrease criminality. Furthermore, alive he was worth more than dead cause he had a good influence on the community, for he wrote books which kept the youth away from gangs and their culture. But, after his petition for clemency was denied, he was put to death; he was executed for Arnold Schwarzenegger said that he didn’t know if Williams was honest in his redemption. What the fuck?! So what if it wasn’t honest… Williams decreased criminality with his books and had been nominated for the Nobel Prize of Peace and Literature a couple of times… a gang had promised to give up half of their arsenal if Williams got his clemency… HE HAD A GOOD INFLUENCE. Isn’t that worth more than the question if he was honest?

So where is the hubris in this you may ask? Well, Americans like to think that no other people are as Christian as they are. God is their Father and they follow Him in all His might and bright. But only God has the right to decide between life and death and the Americans who make the decision to put someone to death just ignore this little fact. So do they think they have the right to make the decision for/in stead of God? Do they think they are better than He is? For they are most certainly not. But still they think nobody is as Christian as they are. No one is as conservative as they are… But they do have the right to decide over life and death… If that isn’t hubris, nothing is. And yes, so did Williams, think he has the right to decide over life and death, and that got him locked up for nearly 25 years…

'Tis the Season to be jolly, the season we celebrate the coming of Christ. A Season of life and love... and what do the Americans do? Put someone to death in all their might and bright and hubris… And they don’t get punished for it.

Hear no, speak no, see no evil

I feel like shit momentarily. A friend/acquaintance has admitted tonight that he had feelings for me, was in love with me… I saw this coming, but I don’t feel the same for him. I like him and think he’s a nice guy, but (at the moment) my feelings for him don’t go further than that. He seemed ok with that… He said he thought that would be the case… but then he did something which made me ask why he did what he did and well, I didn’t really think it was because of me, but I do tend to take things to heart so I asked if he did it because of me.
First his answer was negative, but then he said that perhaps, yes, it had something to do with me. I said to him, that if he wanted me to leave him alone (for a while), he should say so. But then he said ‘that I shouldn’t take it personally’, but that he just felt shitty, he was off his stroke at the moment and that after a good nights sleep, he would feel much better.
How can I not take that personally? Someone is hurting because of me. A man is hurting because of me. And I can’t help but feel shitty about that. For I have never been able to cope with men who are/were hurting.

Today’s men, is the general opinion, should be able to show their feelings. They should be in contact with their feminine side, so they should be able to cry. That doesn’t work for me. I remember this one time, I was about 11 I think, and a big fight concerning my little brother (who is 3 years younger than I am). In those days he just wasn’t a happy camper and created huge fights and would thereafter lock himself up in his room. Normally the one person he didn’t exclude was my older brother (2.5 years older than I am). But this time he did. I remember going up the stairs to the second floor where both my brothers’ bedrooms were, and hearing my brother cry, seeing him being comforted by my mom. I never heard or saw anything so terrible. My big brother crying, the one person my little brother never excluded and also always seemed to listen to. What had he said to my brother that he was crying? What had he done? My big brother crying, one of the few persons I really relied on and of whom I thought could never be broken. My big brother… broken.

Since then, I think, I can’t cope with men who are hurting. And it is even worse if I am the instigator, for as I said, I tend to take things to heart. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked anything, perhaps I shouldn’t have cared. Perhaps I am too much of a woman in heart. But I want my family, friends, and people I like, to be happy. I would like to protect them against any evil coming their way. But how can I protect them if that evil is me and I didn’t mean for them to be hurting because of me? How can I not feel shitty if it is because of me, even if the person hurting says I am not to blame?

I must say that just sharing this helps, but not enough, and I think this will wander my thoughts for I fall asleep later this night. Ah well, such is my mind and conscience...

American Stupidity

I think it’s fairly known by the Americans that non-Americans don’t think fairly highly of them (if not, it’s known now ;)). And to be fair, to us foreigners some decision taken by the American government and the Americans themselves, aren’t quite understandable. Some of the American policies just aren’t logical. And your elections are incomprehensible like hell. But I know that this is a two way junction, since our elections and policies may also seem incomprehensible, e.g. our drugs policy – which I completely support, and no I don’t do drugs, never have and never will. So I shouldn’t bitch. But since I love to do that and I’m good at it, I’ll just ignore that and bitch away.

This week it became known that more than half of the Americans want another president with the next elections, they are not satisfied with president Bush or his policy, and in hindsight think that the invasions of Iraq was a big mistake.
When I heard this, my thoughts were: ‘Well, that’s just mighty bright of those Americans. That just blows my mind… Couldn’t they have figured this out sooner, before this dickhead of a president was elected for his second term? Couldn’t they have elected the other, Gore?’
It’s just typical American stupidity to be this insightful when Bush is already a year in his second term. It’s just typical American stupidity to be this insightful when their presidents have the tradition to never fulfil more than two terms and thus, Bush will never be elected with the next elections for a third term. So insightful you Americans can be.
But to be fair, we can blame it all on the way you choose a new president. It can all be blamed on your elections. It’s just so complicated that system of yours. A candidate can have more votes but still loose the election. That’s just so unfair. Just ignore the majority of the people’s voice and choice. Kerry should have been president. You guys should have chosen Gore. Bush SUCKS BIG TIMES, and with the next elections you should vote for the democrat. You guys never had a better president than Clinton, of that I can remember that is. So go for the democrat. That’s the better choice for everyone.